The Instability of Stability

What do you hear, when you quiet your mind?

Have you tried meditation? If you know me well, you’ve seen me spilling out ideas like a firehose, sometimes not able to finish a sentence without getting tangled in the complexities of what I’m trying to say. Almost all of you met me before the pandemic, and before the Covid-19, I came to the realization that I have ALWAYS been in survival mode. I’m finally starting to temper down the vigilance of perpetual survival maintenance; however the feeling of quiet and safety is oddly uncomfortable for me. My prayers almost always lively and vivid, as opposed to tranquil and silent.

Another way I’d describe where I’m at is: (1) before pandemic, I was always franticly treading water, (2) throughout the pandemic, I started seriously treading water towards land, and (3) now, I feel like I can see the ocean floor under my feet (but still swimming!). 🏊‍♀️

Praise reports!

1. Monterey Jazz Festival - For my very first time, I’ve been asked to join a board of directors. What’s even more amazing (besides the fact that I’m now a fellow board member with Clint Eastwood) is that this is the longest, continuously running jazz festival at 65 years old! It all stated over a decade ago where I wrangled myself a volunteer spot (because I was just a poor student). Not only that, this year, I helped kick off the very first Sunday Gospel Jazz concert at the festival (Sept 25, 2022), where MY COMPANY is an official sponsor. (I had an angelic encounter about this happening last November, and the next morning I saw 100x multiplication for funding and provision— more on that in another post).

2. Passion Talks Open House - In the midst of shaken institutions and meaningless vanity metrics, I felt the conviction to pivot Passion Talks towards newer forms of interaction. My love language is feeling understood, and I fearfully avoid putting myself in front of superficial judgement. Regardless, I’m blessed with a community of leaders working together to sow into the new this year. We currently have 6 sessions, ranging from Technology to Arts to Education to Medicine. Last month, we did an “Open House” to test the waters and it was INCREDIBLE! Those who get it, really did get it. I mean, it’s not perfect, but the hope is to create new canvas for God to paint thriving ecosystems of Good news.

3. Iris Global Missions Training Course - I was an instructor for a session of Heidi Baker’s ministry school. You can see that “Lesson 25” was led by Dr. Sherol Chen! More than anything, I wanted to honor the message that God has currently sown on my heart, “loving God with all our MINDS.” I was also able to bring a “ministry team” with me of two people from the marketplace, sharing our giftings and annointings with the students.

4. American Science Affiliation - It was the first external Christian event I’d attended since Shelter-in-Place. Of all the focusing that I’ve been seeking from God, the asa3.org community is at least a step in a more narrow (focused) direction— it just seemed like a community I should engage with at least once. I was a main-stage (non-plenary) speaker, talking about what it means to be human and how technology helps us with that. (I tried to be ninja and speak with a mask 😷 on, but I got super distracted by how hard it was to breathe 😅!) For this event, I found myself in a familiar place, where the only difference was that I was different. Maybe God was showing me my own growth and how the growing pains look and feel in hindsight.

5. YouTube Influence! My youtube squirrel channel has had over 200,000 views! God said that this was a creator’s year and to build and make the new things, so I started making videos. Jokingly, I feel like these are the greater things that Jesus spoke about (people looking at 200k of something I made 😂 #vanitymetrics). Who knows what 200k views of squirrels would mean to God, but I processed the exploration with a few observations here.

6. Met up with a friend who became Christian over the pandemic. He’s someone I’ve known for over a decade and have been praying with and for him for years. It was nice to catch up and learn about these authentic and unique journeys that lead us to God. 🙏 — Not to be confused with the vanity conversion metrics that I’m increasingly put off by.

A snapshot of the Passion Talks virtual Open House.

Prayer requests:

1. AI research - I feel the gravity and shift of focus towards the place God has me in Google AI Research. I’ve had a lifelong passion for AI and my career journey is only possible because of God’s leading (— another story to tell another time.) Please continue to pray for my focus and favor in this space. My hope is that this God-given passion can overflow into measurably good things. In the day-to-day, this looks like data handling and writing papers. 📈

2. MJF - This year, 9+ executives from my workplace are joining us at the Jazz Festival. It’s become such a beautiful opportunity to elevate the Black community through their cultural history. Specifically, we helped bring Gospel Choirs from two Historically Black Universities, and will be holding workshops for their career development in Monterey! The Sunday Gospel Worship service is titled, “We’ve Come this Far,” and will be attended by the executives as well. Pray that we are able to find longstanding synergy with the openness of this outside-the-box project. Pray that there is clear transformative impact in how we can elevate each other in the DEI space.

3. Passion Talks - It’s definitely hard to say goodbye to yesterday, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to be taking Passion Talks underground. I’m still figuring out what that means, how to do that, and how to explain what it looks like. This leading came through an incident that occurred while purchasing a sesame cake for someone’s birthday. Pray that I can be a faithful steward, without FOMO, and without a poverty mindset.

4. Continued Healing - I’m definitely a new person, a different person today than I was when we last connected. Whether it means that growth and healing are happening, I can only believe in faith. I do feel that the present challenges are the result of the immediate rebuilding of what was shaken during the Global Pandemic. Lately, what’s resurfaced is the prevalent bro-culture that surrounds me (science-bros, tech-bros, church-bros). In an email, I captured it as the following: "It really is the micro in the microaggression, one that starts like a small pin prick, but then resonates like a deep sadness echoing through my lifetime. I'm still working on the unoffendableness of Christ's likeness. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Pray for strength and rest in my identity and purpose, and that I will not fear the healing process.

5. Forerunning - Post-pandemic, I’m increasingly finding myself seeing more impact outside of the Christian bubble. In the 2010’s, I’ve had many church audiences, but as we’ve transitioned into to 2020’s I feel a strong shift outside the bubble. I see this in my AI Research work and even my new-found influence in the music industry 🤣. Once again, I am unsure of what I’m even doing; as soon as I got my bearings, I’m shuffled into new territory. Pray that I can embrace this journey and that God’s purpose is fulfilled in its fullest.

In summary, I hear the Lord directing me a few ways:

1. Clinging to any bubble, even the Christian one, is idolatry

2. Focus on the few, despite the big waves of influencer culture

3. It is God that wakes me up every morning, so each day is His

Thank you for your continued time, attention, and prayers!

My harvest is your harvest,

🐿 Sherol

Other corners of the internet you will find me: 🐿 Squirbles on YouTube | Substack: Faith Updates | Substack: ML/AI Updates | Substack: Random | Substack: Yearly Newsletter